Fifty is just a number but it’s different than forty, internally and externally. It’s the cost of wisdom and experience. It’s also knowing I’m more than halfway there.
Fifty is staring in the mirror and expecting to see the 18-year-old kid I used to know. It’s not understanding how time sped up but also tipping my hat at the journey. It’s being glad I survived with internal and external scars to stamp the events.
Fifty is knowing I need bifocals but denying it. It’s the beginning of minor procedures and maybe medications? It’s wondering why I didn’t take better care of myself but then realizing it was part of discovery. It’s knowing enough time is left and being grateful for our healthcare system.
Fifty is knowing mental toughness has paved the way but also stifled other attributes. It’s understanding feelings and intimacy. It’s the joy of simple and unpredictable pleasures.
Fifty is helping and fighting for the less fortunate and those who can’t but not for those who feel privileged and won’t. It’s enjoying the deserved success and accomplishments of others.
Fifty is an era of productivity, being passionate and grateful. It’s having a purpose and being glad. It’s the cumulative education of numerous falls. It’s knowing there are no shortcuts. It’s not apologizing for who I am.
Fifty is finding new wrinkles and knowing who is hiding them. It’s more white hair and different growth patterns. It’s knowing how easy it is to gain two pounds but hard to lose five. It’s also not feeling guilty about sharing a dessert.
Fifty is being tolerant or not. It’s being bombarded by extreme political agendas and knowing it’s healthier to jog than to drink or knock someone back into reality. It’s accepting some people can’t see beyond their own bullshit.
Fifty is looking back on my younger years and feeling warm but knowing there is so much more over the mountain. It’s far from settling. It’s wanting to make a change or leave a mark. It’s a need to embark and never say someday.
Fifty is being the oldest of four and being proud of our accomplishments. It’s knowing our mother never made excuses or let us feel sorry for ourselves. It’s knowing she is in her eighth decade and time is ever so precious.
Fifty is having three teenage sons and smiling. It’s wanting them to live a full life, travel, be passionate, find true love, age gracefully, and to learn more than I ever did. It’s trusting their cape and letting them fly. It’s knowing they understand the meaning of “the road less traveled.” It’s knowing the education has been tailored for independence. It’s expressing they are loved beyond description.
Fifty is having a beautiful partner of 20 years(officially). It’s understanding each other through the hills and valleys of life. It’s more than being thankful or loved. It’s beyond words. It’s mutual respect. It’s knowing the story continues and always trusting our hearts. It’s growing together and shedding labels. It’s knowing everything I need is right in front of me. It’s happiness. It’s knowing!
Fifty is remembering family, friends and coworkers. It’s treasuring each exposure whether it be brief or prolonged. It’s understanding life changes us and growing from it. It’s knowing each experience has somehow carved notches into my soul – some deeper than others.
Fifty is a beginning of many things but mostly midlife. It’s knowing you are racing yourself but understanding the pace of this long profound journey.
Fifty is a number. It’s an awakening. It’s a time of reckoning. It’s a time to stay authentic and continue to give.
50, it’s my number and my it’s my time.